feels like F***???

i just feels like whatever im doing is not right, my dear daddy god,wat game uu playin' at???
haiz,just feel very dissapointed in myself,im just a big mouth after all..i really feels like f*** right now man...i wanna give up...
okay,its not your fault,its mine,i should'nt have asked, i should'nt have been too sensitive around you, maybe i should just give myself three tight slaps around my face now ya..
sheesh~~i guess why i always look at ur face to talk is bcoz i hope uu will talk to me normally and not suddenly scold me...f***,i feel so childish now..
can i just pick a few sticks and puff it all out???
i feel so f*** up!!
I"M WRONG!!!!
SLAP ME PLEASE!!!
PLEASE CUT OUT MY DAMN TOUNGE!!!
no,uu did not cause me to not trust anybody,but my line willl be drawn..god bless people!!
remember what kind of person i am before..
remember what kind of f*** i am now..
remember what kind of freak i am in the future...
remember god's blessing on us...

you know wat kind of guy i am..i will do my very best for every friendship..i dun wish that any of my friendships will fall apart, thats why i have always been trying my best to salvage the friendship and bond among us, uu saw that and uu knew that, maybe its my fault i made a big fuss out of a small matter, but i guess i have not been depending on HIM, and my focus is always hoping uu to turn better, so my expectations were high, after time and time of discouragements and obstacles, i guess i couldn't take it after all in the end..anyway, i will still treat as nothing ever happened, call me stupid, call me brainless, but i am who i am, i treat friends more than anything in my life except god and my family..
but only 1 thing i ask of uu: "remember"....
remember me for what a f*** i am now...
thank you...