what is this?

wat kind of feelings is this??
is just too pain to bear...
when i can only stand at such a distance and look at uu..
when i can only speak to uu as a very normal friend..
which makes me even more wants to avoid uu..
but when i see uu standing there with other people, laughing away,i just feel : "Alvin Tan,Why do uu have to bring so much pain and hurt to her??why do uu have to appear in her life at dis time??why??
there is already no more true joy in me,all is fake already,the only time when i can reali smile is when im praying and worshipping god..when i couldnt see uu,and when uu are off my mind and thoughts...
the sms i received from uu,is so cold,cold till a standard dat i can feel tears whelming up in my eyes..my heart turned all soury..
before this whiole thing,it wasnt like dat,at least the msgs uu send me,it still contains some friendship feelings..now the msgs i received,i only feel hurt and pain...
i know what uu mean,but please,this is really too terrible,there is no feelings at all when uu sms me..not even abit of friendship feelings...
i will try my best to avoid sms uu and stuffs already..im praying,and god is speaking to me,uu have been a support to me all the while, now that uu are gone,i will have to learn to depend on god more,thx for ur support all this while..i just dunno whether i still have strength to go on anot..but i wanna tell uu..go on...smile on...be happy on...dun let urself dwell in too much work and forget that there is joy and fun from god...take caress lots,i will try my best,all the best to uu in ur spm..
im sorry for saying all this,but if i dun say now,i dun think i will still have chance to say liao...just take it as i've given up or wat bah,until the right time when i still have the strength to say: "i love uu, b",uu just take it that i've given up...im sorri,uu know my feelings the best,and i know urs,bt i want uu to assume can liao,just assume i have given up,so that uu wont take me as a burden ok..
anyway thx for the christmas gift..
good night..