have i decided?

haiz..
life is full of ups and downs...
sumwhere in the middle of it,uu may find a way out,bt sumtimes we juz may have to continue living through it and faced our biggest giants in the end....
have i really decided??
this question caused a lot of problems in my life....
decided is the word..
because of this word..alot of problems surfaced..
between me n my friends,between me n her..
is that really what she wants??
is it really what she wants..??
maybe she does not wants it,but god??
uu want it?
well,my heart is still pain and hurt,i guess i already cannot tell her this,cause she will pekcek in the end...well,i can only let my sorrows pour into this blog...
when i see her with him..
my heart..sour,pain,hurt,torn...
bt she said..:"we are SURE.."
ok....
anyway,whether im pain or not,she will no longer care,why?because she say clearly alrd,let god take away,den return it to her again when is right time..so her sms are all cold nowadays...
im actually quite faithless now,towards alot of things...
when i saw her today again..i am lost for words,just feel that is no longer the same,she n i,its either she dislikes me or i dislike her,nothing more,i tried my best not to talk to her or look at her today already..i hope im doing good ya...
well,all i can say is its affecting me alot,alot more than wat ppl could think of..but i think i should thank stella for her words of wisdom today..i know its all the attack from the evil one..
i can only say,i will react in this manner becase i care,i care too much..way too much..
i only have words of apology towards her,for the hurts and pains i have given her...and lots of its ok for myself...thankyou..
maybe i should just continue living my life and not bother others alrd..let her have her freedom to make friends,to be close to her friends...
thank you..
this are my felings now..