To Live Is Christ, To Die Is Gain..

im pissed?? or feeling great?

well, to start off this post, let me bring uu guys back to monday night....

I was working on my 3D project, the FaceLift project, and at about 2.30 to 3am, I was feeling extremely hungry, so thought of grabbing a bite somewhere, when i just reach the lift lobby, the rain started to pour on me, i was like, wat the hell....

Anyway, since i bought my PSP down with me, and i dun feel like going up again, and later coming down, i sat at my void deck at 3am and played my psp whiole waiting for the rain to stop, True enough, after 3 matches on Winning Eleven, the rain stopped, i quickly made my way to the 7-11 nearby and bought a cup noodle and greentea, by the time i got back into my room, the time was like 4.32am... i was like wasted lotsa time, so i quickly set down to do work, but was feeling extremely sleepy, so i took a nap at ard 5am, wanted to wake at 6am and do, but who knows, my alarm din ring, ( or was it me who never wake up???)....

Anyway, thanks Hazel for giving me the morning call, otherwise, god knows till wat time i will be sleeping.....hahahaha...

Anyway, i woke a 7.30am and continued on my face, by the time was like 8.30, i quickly packed and bath and cleaned up eerything and step out of the house, it was already 9.30am, seeing that its like im late for Grey Matters for half an hour, i quickly rush to school.

When i reach Bugis MRT station, i ran all the way to school, breaking one of the strap of my bag along the way, and guess wat, when i arrived in school, i found the whole class missing...it seems like they went to mount emily to get inspirations....xians, i walked back out of the school, and went to the nearby kopi tiam to do work till 3D starts, and i guess around that time, someone was pissed off at me...for some reasons, which is not my fault...Anyway, all of our faces was again rejected, like the EGG project, so we have to show that Leo again next week.

Today lesson was on casting the plaster bandage, we had fun bandaging and casting our friends hand in class, the plaster is super cold as it starts to hardened, its like cold till ur hand goes numb..But anyway, it was fun....

this is such a super long post, and i feel like im so unlucky or down today siaaa....hahahx.
anyway, look out for the next post people!!!

cheerios!

finally, after so long, she talk to me, the 'she' in this post in not the same as the 'she' in the previous post...this 'she' was also quite important to me once.....
hahahahs....anyway, damn glad she finally speak to me again...thank god....

anyway, my life in entering another leap too...as im preparing myself to take greater challenge in life....thanks evil zel, for cheering me up when im down, uu are super cute la!!!!
hahahahas.....thanks!!! thanks for being there!!!

chionging the 3D Facelift now at 1am, still like 2 or 3 more hrs to go la....
hahahahs...pray for me ppl!!!

reopening...

oks, after such a long time, i finally bring myself back to blogging...
seriously, my life now is in a mess, faith???where it gone???
i seriously need to rearrange my life, priority and 2nd important things need to be clarified...
sometimes feels like really wearing a mask everywhere i go....
well, its all up to choices aint it???

It's been wat? 10 mths now??? bt she still pops into my mind now and then.... the things is, i dunno whether is hate or love...bt jus that whenever she is in my head, i misses her terribly....

school life is fun but tiring....i enjoy it without complaints but just that i need 48hrs a day!!!!!
hahax...

well, since now it's officially open, support it brothers and sisters!!!

Its been long and tough...

I'm back after taking leave from blogspot.com for 5mths..
Stuffs have been rather tough and rocky for me, Church Life, Working Life, Social Life, Love Life, Too Hectic...
The only peice of good news currently is that I'm finally able to go and further my studies after so long, and so many fights and quarrels with my parents.I guess it's all His will???
Well. still gotta Thank Him anyway.
For those who might still be interested in what happen to me and her, well, the only thing I have to say is, Totally ended. It ended actually since Last Dec, but well, the emotional me, can't let go when I thought I can, actually thought that there would still be chance that we might be able to talk closely like last time, but well, Now I know that She is a very strong gal, and when she said it, she will do it.What can I do but let go too then, Thanks guys for the time spent listening to all my nonsense and sharing my emoness with me.
Church Life, Busy busy busy are the three words use to described it, bu well, with His strength, I'm able to do it!hahaha!
Working Life and Social Life not bad, just nowadays sleazy little bit lazy to do stuffs, just like to hang around in front of the Com and just surf, facebook, blogs, MSN, all the other craps.Sort of like wasting my life away I guess, just doesn't feel like wanna do anything.
Well, spent half a day yesterday with my Ex-Girlfriend from my secondary school days, because of her birthday. I guess she was quite happy that I really came and met her, and also gave her a surprise..wahaha, I guess I'm still quite attractive in a way???
hahx...
Im actually halfway in the office working now, and blogging and chatting on MSN...wahaha, but got to go, I wonder when will my next post be...muahaha...
ciaoz people..

hahax..

well,the story continues...my 3rd day at IPK....still sit down there and keep reading all those stuffs..well,learn more stuffs today,and i personally requested to follow the team leader down to NTU and NIE tomorrow!!!
yes!!
he will be going to NTU to demo a unit...a JK audio Bluepack...used for on field interviews..a more professional tool for interviewers,equipped with XLRs inputs and outputs,for mic and headphone stereo..it will connect bluetooth wirelessly to ur handphone and the phone will automatically call back to the recording studio..normally in situations when interviewers have to interview somebody,they will have to pick up a call from the recording studio through their handphone,and the interview is recorded through the handphone..with the new JK AUDIO Bluepack series,it will be more professional for the interview to stand there with the strap on bluepack with a mic input connected and stereo headphones connected..woahh..infos infos infos..hahax...
the link for the complete information: http://www.jkaudio.com/bluepack.htm

well,saw an old friend again today...limze,found out dat he broke up with fiona last year march...to think back,they were so loving last time..well,limze changed alot too,but stil the same,likes to brag..talk alot of crap to me...yea..he is funny..
well..on the webcam with someone now...reali tired,i should reali force myself to sleep earlier next time la..hahax..i still have to go find time to get a present for sumone..hahx..secret..
but anyway..the company just got a new machine coming in..Its called a CD DESTROYER...perfect for situations where uu have CDs that stored alot of P&C stuffs and and uu need to get rid of it..but uu cant get rid of it completely...so uu will have to use CD DESTROYER,it will completely erase all of the data in ur written CD or DVD..its great isnt it..and my boss put me incharge of the hospital area where he plan to launch this machine..so..weipeng,wenjiuan...im coming..ask ur boss to take out his wallet..hahax..
alright..still on the webcam with the someone..going to sleep soon..dats all people...nitez..

2nd day..

well,today was my 2nd day,everything is still going well,spent 1 whole day reading up all the info's about the reference monitors,didnt move,from 8.30am,all the way right up to 5.30pm...
well,i learn quite alot..but its boring la...and oh ya,i found the person im looking for alrd..
hahx..mysterious...bought 2 new working shoes..RM120 for 2...its cheap la..
on sales...everything going at 70% discount...hahx..great..
well,anyway,saw a few ppl from church in city square today..
first was biscuit(shopping alone??)
then the long lost jian xiong(went to buy newspaper with a lady??)
then caleb and see hwee on their car(think caleb went to fetch see hwee from the customs)..
hahax..
coincidence...
well,times up,its late..
nitez people...

woah..

woah man..i started my first day of work in IPK broadcast systems today..
i hell load of things ive to learn and get used to man..
things ive never heard before...
like reference monitors,silence detectors,distributor amplifyers,etc.
products from SOLIFEX,WOHLER,IRT,etc..
reali alot man...
wow,i also visited the SUN YAT SEN museum on my first day of work!!
im too service this cilent next time everymonth,so i went there for a short tour of the place and also familarise with the equipments that i have to service and maintain..
im excited for more!!
i think im gonna tour MEDIACORP soon this week..hahx..
well,as i was bathing just now,i remembered some one asking for mccafe..
dunno whether to get it or not..
hahx..
well,its late,gotta wake up at 5am i the morn..
ciaoz people..

its just for you..

Well,its been a long time since i Really spoke to you,i guess ive finally found a way to just depened on God and not only uu...
anyway...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
Sweet 17th to uu ya!!!
DRAW NEARER TO GOD IN THIS NEW YEAR!!!
UU ARE STILL THE BEST!!!
KEEP IT UP AND JIAYOU!!!

HAHAX,i do hope uu will see this,anyway,i still cares,alot...
reali do smile much much more,dun care so much about wat others are saying..but just go on forward and do what uu are supposed to do ya..uu are able to do it,coz uu are BBLIOW..kambateh!!!

lost in the wilderness???

wilderness....
the feeling of being lost....
i guess im lost in the wilderness already...
i just dont like this kind of feelings,when uu dont even know wat to do to urself..
when everything,everybody around uu seems dark,when uu just feel so alone,so lonely..
there is so much tension around uu,uu dun even trust the voices that keeps echoing around uu,around ur ears..
uu just hope to just simply falls into a dark pit and hides,hide from all the darkness,from all the voices,from all the glaring eyes,from all the feeling of lonliness,from uu urself..
i guess these is what im feeling right now..
being lost somewhere in the wilderness...

ive already apologised,ive done all i could,just so that we could go back to where we were before,but no,no,no....i really dont know what else can i do,just hope that we were like before,where uu would share ur problems with us,and i would share with uu..

i guess im feeling pretty bad these few weeks,no more strength in myself,so much so much have been happening,really feel like giving up sometimes,give up on everything..im really sorry for being so depressed here on my blog,but readers here,if uu are a christian,do keep me in ur prayers yea..i guess im picking myself up slowly,but i do need time y'all know..

hahax,gotta go mope over somethings again...
ciaoz...

have i decided?

haiz..
life is full of ups and downs...
sumwhere in the middle of it,uu may find a way out,bt sumtimes we juz may have to continue living through it and faced our biggest giants in the end....
have i really decided??
this question caused a lot of problems in my life....
decided is the word..
because of this word..alot of problems surfaced..
between me n my friends,between me n her..
is that really what she wants??
is it really what she wants..??
maybe she does not wants it,but god??
uu want it?
well,my heart is still pain and hurt,i guess i already cannot tell her this,cause she will pekcek in the end...well,i can only let my sorrows pour into this blog...
when i see her with him..
my heart..sour,pain,hurt,torn...
bt she said..:"we are SURE.."
ok....
anyway,whether im pain or not,she will no longer care,why?because she say clearly alrd,let god take away,den return it to her again when is right time..so her sms are all cold nowadays...
im actually quite faithless now,towards alot of things...
when i saw her today again..i am lost for words,just feel that is no longer the same,she n i,its either she dislikes me or i dislike her,nothing more,i tried my best not to talk to her or look at her today already..i hope im doing good ya...
well,all i can say is its affecting me alot,alot more than wat ppl could think of..but i think i should thank stella for her words of wisdom today..i know its all the attack from the evil one..
i can only say,i will react in this manner becase i care,i care too much..way too much..
i only have words of apology towards her,for the hurts and pains i have given her...and lots of its ok for myself...thankyou..
maybe i should just continue living my life and not bother others alrd..let her have her freedom to make friends,to be close to her friends...
thank you..
this are my felings now..

what is this?

wat kind of feelings is this??
is just too pain to bear...
when i can only stand at such a distance and look at uu..
when i can only speak to uu as a very normal friend..
which makes me even more wants to avoid uu..
but when i see uu standing there with other people, laughing away,i just feel : "Alvin Tan,Why do uu have to bring so much pain and hurt to her??why do uu have to appear in her life at dis time??why??
there is already no more true joy in me,all is fake already,the only time when i can reali smile is when im praying and worshipping god..when i couldnt see uu,and when uu are off my mind and thoughts...
the sms i received from uu,is so cold,cold till a standard dat i can feel tears whelming up in my eyes..my heart turned all soury..
before this whiole thing,it wasnt like dat,at least the msgs uu send me,it still contains some friendship feelings..now the msgs i received,i only feel hurt and pain...
i know what uu mean,but please,this is really too terrible,there is no feelings at all when uu sms me..not even abit of friendship feelings...
i will try my best to avoid sms uu and stuffs already..im praying,and god is speaking to me,uu have been a support to me all the while, now that uu are gone,i will have to learn to depend on god more,thx for ur support all this while..i just dunno whether i still have strength to go on anot..but i wanna tell uu..go on...smile on...be happy on...dun let urself dwell in too much work and forget that there is joy and fun from god...take caress lots,i will try my best,all the best to uu in ur spm..
im sorry for saying all this,but if i dun say now,i dun think i will still have chance to say liao...just take it as i've given up or wat bah,until the right time when i still have the strength to say: "i love uu, b",uu just take it that i've given up...im sorri,uu know my feelings the best,and i know urs,bt i want uu to assume can liao,just assume i have given up,so that uu wont take me as a burden ok..
anyway thx for the christmas gift..
good night..

tiring day,...

wow,spent a whole day in church helping out with the christmas deco thingy and stuffs..spray the fan and help to do the leaves,well,didnt really accomplish much la today...bt it was fun,and i also used the little bit of time to explain somethings to her..
at the end,we were discussing how to finish..then she keep insisting to bring it home to finish..of course i dont let,she has not been sleeping well because of all dis projects,so no matter wat,even if she is angry at me,i also cannot let her bring home and do...cause she will not sleep wan after dat..im sorry for saying all dis...
after dat went to a short fellowship with salem,den went to help out Aunty Yee Khim to move some stuffs from perling to rosmerah,then from rosmerah to johor jaya, then to permas jaya..is moving all those furnitures...is super tired lo..but well,steamboat tomorrow!!!
anyway,there will be a steamboat coming tommorow..hahas..thats all for today..

trip to singapore..

well,it seems like it has been a long time since i post anything...
anyway,it is busy la...
but...
i went to singapore today with yong xin, eekiat, and yi jia..
our purpose was to go shopping shopping shopping and take photos..
but..
in the end,we ended up spending most of our time in the arcade..
well,it seems like a past time for yongxin and eekiat to spend most of their time in the arcade..
anyway,we went to a few places..
first,Tampines shopping mall...(arcade)
Then,Bugis Junction...(arcade again)
Then,Bugis street...
Then,Orchard..(destination of the day...)
well,it was a enjoyable and "xia suay" trip lo...
it was fun spending time with my brothers,but yong xin keep "xia suay-ing" us,by shouting loudly and doing way crazy stuffs,which is actually his usual self..(the quiet side of him is not usual wan..hahax..)
we took alot of photos and the four of us bought a same shirt(view it at ur pleasure this sat),same pants(except yijia,who bought another shirt)...
haiz,all the photos are with eekiat,so i cant post it yet,maybe another time bah...
for the mission post,also maybe another time bah...
well dats all for now,havent actually bath yet,cause just reach home,oh ya,i forgot to mention,today was also the first day the new malaysian custom is open and operating..and well,my opinion is dat its reali reali reali troublesome to travel dat way,cause a walk from the starting point to the end of the old msia custom which usually take abt 5mins now have turn into around 20mins-30mins at the new customs including scanning of passports...wah...reali troublesome!!!!
wah,its reali late now,going to church to help out for the christmas deco thing early in the morning..going to bath then slp dyy..nitey nitez ppl!!!

cry??

found dis in my mail:

Guys cry because:

1. Girls screw them over.
2. They just got hit in the balls.
3. They're about to die.
4. Their heart is broken.
5. Because they are true men.

GIRLS: If you see a guy crying, hug him close and hold him up as he gets over the pain of getting kicked in the nuts. Tell him he's not going to die, and if he's crying over a girl, hug him && kiss him and let him know you won't screw him over and break his heart like the last girl did. Guys just want to know that our girls will be there for us to support us when we need them and help us get our mind off the pain of heartbreak, getting kicked in the balls, and knowing we're going to die.

Girls cry because :

1. They're sad.
2. They're scared.
3. They're nervous.
4. They're frustrated.
5. They're missing someone.
6. They're alone.
7. They have their period.
8. They're pregnant.
9. Their heart is broken.
10. They're in love.
11. Their souls have been torn.
12. They met a boy they can't have.
13. They fell in love with a boy.
14. They hurt so bad inside.
15. They're mad.
16. Something bad happend.
17. Just because they feel like cryinggg.
18. You make them cry
19. You say out their secret
20. You must treat them good!

BOYS: If any girl you know is crying and you see them, don't just stand there and say you're sorry. Hold them and tell them everything will be okay, even if you have no idea what is wrong with them, and kiss them softly, then wipe their tears away. Girls just want to be held and know that someone cares about them.

i dunno!!hahax..enjoy..

im ok

im ok already..
making big decisions in life is soooo hard..
sumtimes reali feels like giving all up....
to juz live a great life...
dat would be great...
but no..
the calling is definitely for me to go....
anyway..
bac to topic....
the post ytd was when im reali down...
but thx for dat "sumbody" who felt my 'downness'..
and kept praying for me....
thx...
uu r the best!!!
anyway...more updates is on its way!!
watch out people!!

giving up??

It totally sucks!!!!
all sucks...
everything...
im starting to hate life...
i dun wan to..
bt im starting to...
can i juz give up....
everything also my fault..
wan go study also wrong?!!
shit!!
talk nicely already..
still say i shout at her!!
where got shit things like dat wan??
im going crazy dyy!!!
ARH!!
realy feels like wanna leave this family..
leave this house..
stay outside..
live my own life...
bt for uu...
i cant do it...
im not sure whether im able to anot....
i wan ur parents have a goood impression of me..
ARH!!!!
who is with me now!!!
NOBODY!!!
im so alone...

bye people...
all the best...

fed up..

Im fed up working with people who like to gossip behind people's back and also being a two-headed snake!!!!

Im gonna quit soon, aunties...
so stop talking about me behind my back and also stop talking to me about people behind their backs!!!!!

IM FED UP!!!!
AND ALSO STOP ORDERING ME AROUND!!!!
IM PAID TO WORK AND SO ARE YOU!!!
YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO ORDER ME ABOUT!!!
GET LOST!!!

anyway,i cutted my hair guys....
it..
is...
damned..
UGLY!!!!

imagine..:"botak" with a patch of long hair somewhere in the middle of my head...
and guys,uu noe wat,my head is round...
DATS WHY ITS UGLY!!!!
omg....
haiz...
reali regret going there to cut...
dat guy is "jia li hai" wan siaaa....
tell him 1 kind of hair..he did another kind.....
how now i also dunno siaaaaa......
wahsss....
shikes......

prepare to be shock ya..
bye peeps....

lazy..

im so super powerfultically lazy to update..
anyway...
found dis on my frenster bulletin juz now,posted by 1 of my dear frens....dis is reali saddening...
ok..here goes:.....

Guy:"Lets have sex right now."
Girl: "Can we do what?"
Guy: "You know, can I be your first,finally?"
Girl: "Um.....no."
Guy: "Why?"
Girl: "Because, 1. you have a girlfriend, who happens to be my friend......."
Guy: "So, if you don't tell, I won't tell."
Girl: "Besides that, I'm waiting for someone special. Someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life to be my first."
Guy: "I'm not special to you?"
Girl: "You're my friend. That's all."
Guy: looks forward and keeps driving.

5 minutes pass.......

Guy: starts to run his hand up the girl's thigh.
Girl: moves his hand, "Don't touch me.".
Guy: tries to kiss her.
Girl: screams, "Would you stop."
Guy: continues trying.
Girl: moves to the back seat
Guy: parks on an abandoned street and gets in the backseat with the girl.
Starts to kiss her.
Girl: pushes him off and scoots over, "Please, don't do this."
Guy: "Don't do what, I know you want it, I can see it in your eyes."
Moves over to her and starts to unbutton her pants.
Girl: pushes him harder and says, "No,don't."
Guy: getting aggravated, punches her and tells her to stop "playing hard to get".
Girl: crying, continues to fight.
Guy: punches her harder, pulls her pants off, and holds her down.
Girl: screams as he penetrates her, "NO, please don't do this to me!"
Guy: puts his hand over her mouth.

An hour passes.........

Guy: pulls back and wipes himself off.
Girl: sits on the corner of the seat,crying.
Guy: looks at her and says, "You better not tell anybody about this.
If you're really my friend, you won't tell anybody about this. You know I love you." He reaches out his hand to touch her cheek.
Girl: pulls back, "Just take me home,now."
Guy: says, "Alright." Gets in the front seat and drives her home.

2 months later.........

Girl: "Doctor, what's wrong with me. I haven't had my time of the month in 2 months."
Doctor: looks at her, "You haven't been having your "time" for a reason."
Girl: looks at him and says, "Why?" dreading the answer that she was sure to receive.
Doctor: "You are pregnant."
Girl: faints.

The story gets out that she is pregnant, and people start looking tothe Guy. He claims that it isn't his because she was sleeping with every guy in the school (which was a lie).
He goes to her and tells her, "I'm telling you, if you lie to people and say that I raped you, I'll kill you."
The Girl is completely devastated.
First, he took her virginity and got her pregnant....then he lied about it.
So completely depressed......
The Girl commits suicide by drug overdose.......

this story is utterly disgusting..........
and to think that the guy is actually attached to the victim's fren....
haiz..
the world..
haiz....

anyway..
for more updates...
u'll all have to wait...
byes peoples...

long time no updates..

sorry people for the missing updates..
well lots of things happen...
went to kukup...
went to teenz camp(port dickson)
went slacking out at shopping centres...
went starbucks drink the newest *DARK MOCHA FRAPPUCINO*!!(love it lots!!!)
went steamboating with erjie...(two of us only)
went giordano buy sweaters and shirt...and cam Whoring???(yucks,sounds so GAY)

thigs are happening so fast that dun even have time to update....
and also lazy to post photos yaya..
anyway,photos can be found here..
http://profiles.friendster.com/15708095

view the photos...
ciaoz peoples!!!

updates..

woohoo!!

its been a long time since i last updated..anyway,was teachers last friday(or thursday i think,dun remember)..well,happened somethings at our centre,but all is well,1 of my student bought doughnuts to eat with us!!!woohoo!!!

after that,sunday went up to kukup with CBC....was a fun trip(???)..hahax..well kukup pictures next post yea!!!

now for the teachers day wan...

teachers day card!!!

class photo..

nice.

without me..

my doughnut..

0o..

ahhhh....

emm,eaten half by me before remembering to snap a pic of it..

fantastic four...

close up..

close up sumore...

nice...

nice..

mango flavour wan..

i like dis alot...but its not mine..too bad..

doughnut tower!!!

awesome!!

supreme slanted..

teachers day!!!

empty already....

nice...

thoughtful..

deco...

TEACHERS DAY..(actually this card is i do wan...)hahax..

ciaoz peeps...!!

~My God Reigns~

NO one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.

No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.

And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE

Just 3 Words

Three things in life that, once gone, never come back -
1. Time
2. Words
3. Opportunity

Three things in life that can destroy a person -
1. Anger
2. Pride
3. Unforgiveness

Three things in life that you should never lose-
1. Hope
2. Peace
3. Honesty

Three things in life that are most valuable -
1. Love
2. Family & Friends
3. Kindness

Three things in life that are never certain -
1. Fortune
2. Success
3. Dreams

Three things that make a person -
1. Commitment
2. Sincerity
3. Hard work

Three things that are truly constant -
Father - Son - Holy Spirit

I ask the Lord to bless you, as I pray for you today; to guide you and protect you, as you go along your way. God's love is always with you, God's promises are true. And when you give God all your cares, you know God will see you through.

Pass this along to People you want God to Bless - I just did!